How I do inner child healing

In the middle of Nebraska, somewhere in the eighties, my three brothers, my parents and I all piled into the station wagon to head back home after a long day of family reunion activities.

After I said something out loud which I thought would be funny to everybody, my brother remarked in a way to me that made it very clear that I was rude and inappropriate.

I froze. I shrunk. I felt awful and tried to make myself invisible.

During that car ride I decided that I’m inappropriate. I better watch it when I open my mouth, because somebody might shame me for it. What I have to say is “wrong”.

Fast forward to me creating programs and courses for groups in my healing business as an adult.

Every time I would start preparing content for a new program, I would get stressed out, and worry about what I was going to teach. I would internally panic about what I should teach.

I had one participant after another send me mails expressing their gratitude for what changed in their life from participating in my programs. How much more money they received since working with me. How happy they are to finally have become pregnant. How much better it is going with their partner since the course. How much confidence they feel in running their business. And still, each course brought with it stress, as I worried about having to talk in front of a group.

Until I asked myself: what is the story I am telling myself about this?

And the instance in the station wagon popped into my mind.

“I’m inappropriate. I’m not interesting. I’m wrong.”

And I let myself cry.

I let myself feel the emotions that didn’t get expressed when I was sitting on that car seat, mortified.

I let myself feel all the times that I had punished myself for not being prepared enough, or for being insecure. All the times that I bullied myself for worrying about what I was going to teach.

And I allowed myself to change the story that I was keeping active.

I asked to see a higher truth about it all, that wasn’t from the perspective of that ashamed little girl.

I allowed myself to know that I can show up and be vulnerable. That I can speak into the listening of others.

And to acknowledge that I had learned from a young age how to be kind to others and how to have compassion when others were speaking.

Every time I create something new in my life and my business, I allow myself to grow.

I allow myself to connect with whatever is hindering me from taking any new steps forward, and to feel whatever hasn’t been processed yet.

Then to change the story that I am keeping active, so that I can create the life, the business, and the relationships that I desire.

What story are you telling yourself with regards to your dreams? Your desires? What if that story isn’t true? Would you like to create a new story?